Remembrance
by Angelstearz
Summary: John tries to find a balance bw his past and future. (SEQUEL to Reflections)Rating changed as a precaution.
1. One Night's Rest

Title: Remembrance

Author: Angels_tearz

Summary: John tries to find a balance between his past and his future. (Sequel to Reflections)

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: Don't own 'em. 

Author's Notes: READ REFLECTIONS FIRST! This is a sequel to that story. You guys asked for it and you got it. Hope you enjoy it.

Italics are flashbacks.

_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_

(2 Months Later)

__

He looked up from his desk at her. 

God, she was beautiful.

As if she could feel his eyes on her, she glanced up, her hazel eyes meeting his baby blue ones. 

She bit her lip and smiled shyly. She walked over to him and sat on the edge of his desk, "Help you find something, sir?" He grinned, "No, I found it on my own."

"God, can you be any more corny?" 

"Actually," He grabbed her waist and pulled her into his lap, "Yes, I could."

She laughed and he felt like his was flying, her laughter reverberating around the room…

_~_~_~_

John shot straight up, beads of sweat forming on his upper lip. He searched the room for the source of his pleasure and his pain before remembering the truth. 

His shoulders sagged and he ran a shaky hand through his damp hair. John swallowed the lump forming in his throat and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

John stood on hesitant legs and walked to his bedroom window. He watched the few cars passing by and the scarce lights in the building opposite his, slightly wondering what kept them awake. He wondered was it pleasure? Or something else? 

Was it the same thing that kept him up night after night after night, driving away all thoughts and dreams of a peaceful night's rest? 

God, he hoped not. 

John touched the cold glass and traced a name into the fog. One name that made him happy and sad all at the same time.

__

Sasha

He pulled his hand away and laughed at himself. He looked back out at the obscure lights, silently saying goodnight and hoping he was alone.

No one deserved to feel what he felt.

_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_

A.N.: This isn't all of it. This is just a start to see if you guys like what I have so far. Please please review! If I feel that it's going good, I would like to eventually pair Sam and John together (finally!). So please tell me what you honestly think? 


	2. Forced

A.N.: I know it has been awhile since I wrote the first chapter, but I hope you haven't forgotten about it. Please tell me what you think and leave a review? Thanks so much!!!!!!!!!!!

(The next morning)

John closed his eyes and let the warm sunshine stream onto his face, the sounds of children laughing and playing in the park. He opened his eyes only when the phone rang. 

John let the machine pick it up, already knowing the voice on the other end. 

"John? John, come on…pick up. I know you're there. John, please. It's been two months and we haven't heard anything…Sam says you come by to see Chloe. Maybe you could stop by here? We all miss you."

Shortly after that, there was a knock on the door. John pulled himself out of bed. He looked through the peephole and sighed when he saw the intruder. He turned and leaned his back against the door, sinking down to the ground. 

They never gave up.

John placed his head in his hands, trying to block out the incessant noise. 

"John? Open up. John, it's Nathan–"

John snorted and quietly stated, "Yeah, no shit."

"—John, please……… Fine. Please call me, anytime, okay?"

He heard his former partner's footsteps receding from his door and he let out the breath he had been inadvertently holding. He knew that, at least for now, they were done. They wouldn't try again until lunchtime, at the earliest. 

John's only hope was that they had a big case come up. 

After staying in his current position for a few minutes, John stood and made his way into the kitchen. He made himself some breakfast and took a shower. He had just finished dressing when there was another knock on his door. This time, he didn't care. He knew it was going to be Sam and Chloe. He was supposed to watch Chloe for the day. 

He braced himself and opened the door. He hugged the excited child and insincerely smiled at the woman he had, at one point in his life, loved. Sam followed him into the apartment and closed the door. 

Chloe ran to the living room, sliding to a stop in front of the TV and plopping down on the beanbag in front of it. "John! Where's the channel with the shows I like??" 

John let out a half-hearted chuckle and pointed in Chloe's general direction, "I should…"

Sam smiled and nodded. She watched John come to life the moment he came into contact with Chloe. Sam's smile faltered and her head bowed. "I guess I'll just…go, then." Her announcement was met with a feeble wave form John and a quick bye from her daughter.

On her way out the door, she ran into a table, knocking down a file folder containing a stack of papers. She leaned down to pick them up and felt a lump form in her throat.

Newspaper clippings, pictures, an ultrasound…

Her accidental invasion was stopped short by the appearance of two feet. Sam looked up to see John with an almost comical look on his face, "Having trouble?"

She dropped the papers, "I…um…I knocked them down…I was just going to…"

Her sentence trailed off as John bent over to help. His hand shook as he noticed the things in the pile and his posture stiffened. He hastily collected the items and returned them to their folder. 

"John…" John jerked out of his former co-worker's reach, "Don't."

Sam's hand dropped to her side. She opened her mouth to explain, but closed it before a sound came out. The blare of the TV was the only sound coming from the apartment. John suddenly pulled himself together and walked to the door.

He opened it and turned back to Sam expectantly, "I'll see you at 5."

"John-"

He closed his eyes, "Sam, please…just go." Sam nodded and walked out into the hallway, calling out another goodbye to her daughter.

John let out a shaky breath as he sagged against the door, trying to collect his emotions, if not for himself, then for Chloe. He stuffed the file into a drawer and waltzed into the living room, a forced smile on his face, "So…what're we going to do today?" 

_ _ _ _ _ _

Sam was met by two anxious people as soon as she stepped foot in her office. 

"Well, did you see him?" 

"How was he?"

"Is he ok?"

Sam held her hands up in mock surrender, "I'm fine guys. And how was your weekend?" The two agents looked down apologetically, "Sorry, we just…"

She placed a comforting hand on Nathan's arm, "I know. He…seems…fine, I guess. About as good as he can be." She looked at their concerned faces, "He still won't answer?"

Her answer was in their sighs. "I know it's hard but there isn't anything we can do. He lost his entire world. We can't expect him to bounce back as if nothing happened."

The trio turned around at the sound of knocking. Bailey opened the door, "You know, I'm a little confused. I thought we were working on a case. I could be wrong, but…"

Grace and Nathan filed out of Sam's office grudgingly while Bailey stayed behind. "They miss him." Bailey looked in Sam's eyes, "And I don't?"

"I didn't say that."

Bailey shook his head and sat down, "I know it hurts. It hurts more than we ever could have imagined because now we _know_ where he is, but we can't help him. I never thought I'd miss the bastard this much."

Sam laughed and sat next to her mentor and friend, "I think it's worse. Cause before…and now, he's just so…"

"Subdued." Bailey finished the sentence that Sam left hanging. She nodded, "Yeah."

Bailey let out a sigh, "Back to work." Sam watched him leave and walk back to his office. When he shut the door behind him, Sam turned to her own desk. When she sat, she was faced with a picture of her, John, and Chloe from that Christmas party. Everyone was laughing, especially John. The camera had captured that twinkle, the one that was in his eye.

The one that was now missing.

Sam sighed and forced herself to look away, "Yeah. Back to work."

A.N.: I know it seems as if his life just sucks, but it will get better! (It's the point of this story!) Just bear with me and feel free to make any comments or suggestions! I appreciate them all!


	3. The Best Thing

A.N.: I hope you guys like this; sorry it takes so long for updates. I have to get in the mood to write. PLEASE REVIEW!!

The second the door closed behind Sam and Chloe at 5, John collapsed on his couch. He loved that kid something fierce, but damn…she was exhausting.

John stayed on the couch for a few minutes and then stood abruptly. He slowly walked to the hallway table. He opened the drawer cautiously, as if he expected something to jump out at him when it was open. 

When he saw the worn folder staring back at him, a slew of images assaulted him, one more predominant than any of the others. 

He slammed the drawer so hard that the table rammed into the wall, leaving a scratch in the paint. He brought his hands up to his temples and rubbed, trying to erase what was stuck in his head.

After his breathing returned to normal, John glanced around his apartment. There were traces of Chloe everywhere and not much else. His apartment was as sparse as it could be giving the feeling that no one even lived there. He took a shaky breath and decided that he needed to get out of there.

When he left his place he wandered around the city with his hands stuffed in his jacket pockets and his shoulders slumped over. 

He eventually ended up at Reid's, a restaurant he used to go to down by the river. He got a table by himself and ordered some dinner. While he was waiting, he leaned back against the booth and closed his eyes, taking slow deep breaths. 

"I just wish he would talk to someone. I'm always so worried about him…"

"I know, but Sam…there isn't anything we can do, ok? He just needs to deal with everything in his own way."

John's eyes flew open at the sound of the two very familiar voices. He turned his head slightly so he could hear what they were saying better. 

" … He could talk to me, I mean, I've been there." John could hear the desperation in Sam's voice.

"Maybe that's why he... can't, ya know? He doesn't need to hear platitudes and stories of how you know what he's going through."

John quietly snorted, agreeing with his former boss' statement. 

"I know, you're right, I just… don't you miss him?" John heard the soft sigh from Bailey, "Every day. I miss his stupid stunts and his smart-ass comments and I wish to God that none of the past had happened… if there was anything… it kills me knowing he's in pain and I can't do anything. In the years I knew John…I love the kid like a son-"

John could feel the room closing in on him and his chest tightened, making it difficult to breathe. He quickly stood up, leaving enough money for the waitress on the table, unable to hear anything else Bailey had to say.   

He went out the back door of the restaurant, which led into the alley. When he burst through the door, he fell against the wall. His breathing was labored, as if he had just run a marathon. 

When he caught his breath, he numbly made his way home.

_ _ _ 

The next morning, John woke up early. He went into the bathroom to the sink. He splashed some water on his face and looked into his reflection, telling himself that this was the right thing to do.

For everyone.

_ _ _ _ _ _

(At The VCTF)

Sam, Grace, and Nathan were all sitting at the Command Center, discussing the latest crime they were investigating. 

"Whoever killed this man really wanted him to suffer. The flaying was done pre-mortem and-" Sam looked up at Grace. Grace's gaze was fixated on something behind Sam, her mouth slightly open in shock.

Sam whipped around to see what had caught her attention and attained the same look as Grace at the sight behind her.

John walked confidently down the corridor, ignoring the whispers and stares from the staff. When he got to the team, his step faltered and he hesitated but quickly regained his composure. He knocked on Bailey's door, opening it when he got the command to do so.

_ _ _ 

Bailey was working on paper work when there was a swift knock at his door. "Come in." Bailey ordered without even looking up to see who had intruded.

After a few minutes of silence, Bailey's hand stopped writing and he looked up. The agent was stunned, "John…"

John smiled, "Bailey, it's good to see you." 

"I… what can I do for you?"

John swallowed hard and bit his lip. When he could finally force himself to look up at Bailey he replied, "I would like to come back…if that's possible?"

Bailey sat back in his chair in astonishment. "Well, I-um, I'm not sure. I mean… are _you_ sure?"

John let out a semi-laugh, "As sure as I'll ever be."

"What about-"

John held up his hand to stop Bailey, "I know what you're going to say. I think I've had enough time off, don't you? And…I've been…thinking and talking. I'm better, you know? It doesn't hurt so much…"

Bailey smiled, "As far as I'm concerned…Welcome back." He held out his hand to John.

John stared at it for a second and swallowed the lump in his throat back. He gently took the man's offered hand. He pulled John into a short hug when John put his hand into Bailey's.

John pulled away form the older man and walked to the Command Center with him. John watched his former friend's faces as Bailey announced his return.  

Their faces lit up with delight. They all converged on him for a hug. John closed his eyes while they were hugging him. He pulled away from them and listened to their constant talking. Everyone was so happy.

Everyone except him.

John didn't feel anything.

And that was the way it had to be.

It was the best thing.

A.N.: PLEASE REVIEW!!! I would like to know how everyone likes the story?


	4. Talking

A.N.: I'm so so sorry about the long wait, you guys!!! Thank you so much for your patience. I will warn you….this chapter is not one of happy fluffy thoughts, ok? I have to get John to grieve before I can make him all happy…………enjoy!! : )

(2 Weeks Later)

John sighed as he finished the last of his daily paperwork. He looked up and around the room, noticing that everyone had gone home for the day.

A light at the far end of the hall caught his attention. Well, almost everyone. He stood up, grabbing his jacket, and made his way towards the lit room. He found Bailey reading a folder, mumbling the words out loud to himself. 

"Shouldn't you be at home?" He flinched at the formality in his voice. He hadn't meant for it to come out like that. Bailey jumped and started to laugh when he saw the 'intruder', "God! You almost gave me a heart attack." John shrugged, "Sorry. Saw your light, wanted to make sure everything was okay."

Bailey smiled warmly, "Everything's good. I was going to leave as soon as I finished this." John nodded, "Have a good night."

"John-"

John paused mid-step, and looked over his shoulder at the older man, "Yeah?"

Bailey opened his mouth, but resigned his words even before they left his mouth and shook his head, "Nothing. Good night."

John knew he should go, even told himself to walk out that door, but found that he couldn't. After a few minutes Bailey noticed the young man was still standing in the doorway. Bailey set down the file and sat back in his chair, waiting.

John bit his lip, swallowing the lump growing in his throat. He forced a smile on his face and turned around, "I'll see you in the morning."

"Damn it." Bailey let out a curse, watching the younger man's retreating figure. He knew the man wanted, no needed to talk. And he had been this close to finally doing it.

_ _ _ _ _ _

John sat in his car, his head in his hands. He thought he could do this. Come back to work like nothing had happened.

Everyone seemed to be buying into his act. Everyone but the one person he felt the need to convince. 

He looked down at his hands and sighed. He flexed them in and out, trying to make the shaking stop. After a few minutes he gave up and got out of his car. He wasn't going to drive.

Not like this.

He stuffed his hands into his pockets. He started to walk in the direction of his apartment, focusing only on the cold that seemed to permanently inhabit his body. 

He had only gotten about five minutes from the office when he heard someone calling his name. John turned to the find the owner was his boss.

Bailey pulled up next to John, "Need a ride?"

John looked down the dark street had been heading towards, trying to gauge the lesser evil. 

John sighed and walked to the passenger side of Bailey's car, letting himself into the warm interior. "I saw your car back there."

John just stared out the window, offering no explanation to Bailey's open-ended statement. 

John was dismayed when Bailey turned off the ignition when they reached John's apartment building. He wasn't surprised when the elder agent followed him into his home. 

John turned on the lights and walked into the kitchen, "Want something?"

"Scotch, if you have it." John nodded and pulled out two glasses. Bailey looked at his surroundings as John poured the drinks. He stopped at a picture of the team from years ago. He picked it up and envied the happy people inside. 

Bailey felt a light tapping on his shoulder. He turned and accepted the offered drink. They sat down facing each other in the living room. 

Bailey watched John as he devoured his drink, looking towards the kitchen in a debate whether to get more or not. He then took a sip of his own drink and set the remainder on the coffee table in front of him. 

The two men stared at each other in what was easily perceived as an uncomfortable silence. 

Finally, Bailey broke it, "John……talk to me." John looked away, "About what?"

Bailey let out a worn-down sigh, "Damn it, John. I'm tired of this. You're obviously hurting and what ticks me off is……despite all of the people you have around you who care about you and want to help, you **will not** talk."

"There isn't anything to talk about." Bailey couldn't believe the level of indifference that was held in John's voice. 

"Really? We could start with your brother. Or your father. Or, hell, how about Sasha?"

John flinched at the mention of her name, but still said nothing. Bailey leaned forward, "John…please……it hurts, I know-"

"No you don't! You have no fucking clue how much it hurts……_every_ damn day, I wake up and…wish I hadn't." John stood up abruptly and went over to the window, his hands clenching into tight fists, "Every night….the dreams…they're killing me. And I **can't** talk about it because no one wants to hear it. Oh, they say they do but they don't. The split second I even start to say anything, and I get pity. I don't _want_ pity. I want my life back."

Bailey watched John's tense back but said nothing in return. John continued in a rough whisper, "I killed them, Bailey. I killed my own child. No amount of talking is going to change that."

Bailey walked over to where the other man was standing, "It's not your fault. I don't know how many times you are going to need to hear that but here's one more for you, you did not kill Sasha. You want someone to be mad at? You want someone to hate? Hate me. I mean, after all, I ordered Nathan to follow her."

John leaned his forehead against the cool pane of glass, "I can't."

"Well, why the hell not?"

John turned on his mentor, "Because it's not your fault! You didn't pull that trigger! He did!"

Bailey placed a hand on John's shoulder, "Exactly. **He** shot her. **He** murdered George. **He** played with their lives because they meant nothing to him."

John's lower lip quivered and he shook his head, "I…i…should have…she was my…they were…"

Bailey forced John to face him, "It was not your fault." 

John sank to the floor and shook his head again, "…I should have known…" Bailey kneeled in front of him and repeated himself, "It was not your fault."

John's eyes met his and Bailey let out a sigh as the young man's eyes glistened. Bailey leaned in closer and put a hand on the back of John's neck and whispered, "It wasn't your fault."

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Well? Please PLEASE review??? I hope it does not take me as long for the next part, but we shall see…


	5. Waiting

A.N.: Wow. I had no idea how long it had been since I had worked on this story. I am SOOOOOO sorry, you guys. Hopefully you don't hate me too much and will continue to read this story. This is only a short part, because I wanted to get this posted. I will have more SOON. I promise!  
  
Please let me know if you like it?  
(Two Weeks Later)  
  
The past two weeks had not been great....but they were better. The dreams were still there. They were the one constant in his life lately. They were always the same. They hurt...he didn't know how much longer he could bear them...but he had to.  
  
For them.  
  
John was acutely aware of how much Bailey watched him....sometimes it felt like Bailey was babying him. They hadn't talked much about what had happened that night at John's.  
  
John didn't know how...he didn't know where to begin. At work, John continued to do only what was required of him. He didn't offer much more than that. Which is the exact reason he has still at his desk.  
  
At 11:23.  
  
On a Friday night.  
  
John blinked his eyes, as if the blurred words would suddenly be clear. He sighed and gave up, leaning back in his chair. He stared at the ceiling for a few minutes and then closed his eyes.  
  
When he reopened them, George was there. John jumped quickly out of his chair, sending it spinning across the floor, "Jesus Christ! Do you want me to die of a heart attack or something?"  
  
George laughed, "Sorry." (Not looking the least bit sorry.) "Come on! We're waiting for you!"  
  
George could see the hesitation in his friend's eyes, "Drinks, remember? Your turn to buy. You aren't getting out of it this time, man." John smiled at the other man, "One time......I beg out of it one time, and forever branded..."  
  
George grinned and motioned him with his head and started walking backwards to the door, "Come on. We're all waiting."  
  
John's brow furrowed, "Wait...we who?"  
  
George was still facing him as he walked to the door, which suddenly seemed closer, "We're waiting for you..."  
  
George's face became distorted. His skin split open in almost a pattern on his face...the blood dripping down his face, "John...we waited...you didn't come..."  
  
"John..." John turned to the voice...her voice...she was holding her stomach, blood seeping through her hands, "...why? Why..." John flinched and backed away, "No...I tried...I did...I was too late...always too late..."  
  
The figures became blurry all of a sudden, like the words John had been trying to read earlier, "Wait! George! Sasha!" John started to run to him, but he couldn't get closer, "...don't...don't go..."  
  
John jerked suddenly and found himself on the floor, darkness surrounding his lighted desk. His breathing was haggard...sweat sliding down his face. He leaned his forehead into his hand, and tried to calm his heart.  
  
The dreams...always the same...the dreams were killing him...  
  
A.N.: Well? Please please please review? I beg you... 


	6. Guilt

A.N.: Wow! It has been over a year, I can't believe it. I am so incredibly sorry. I've had some issues going on in my personal life but I hope that you haven't forgotten me or this story. Please tell me what you think?

This picks up directly at the end of Chapter 5.

* * *

John was still shaking when he walked into his apartment thirty minutes later. He wanted to have a drink to calm his nerves, but he stopped himself. He had noticed his growing need of alcohol just to barely function lately.

And it scared him.

They were just dreams. They didn't mean anything.

They couldn't.

He sank down onto his couch and sighed deeply at the feel of the comfortable leather. He could feel the sharp tug of exhaustion, coaxing him into a deep sleep. John fought to keep his eyes open…he fought so hard…but he lost so quickly, his last thought on the dreams.

On the fear.

* * *

(5 Days Later)

"Hey." John looked up at the sound of her voice. "Sam…hey." She gave him a small smile, and then perched herself on the edge of his desk.

"I was wondering if you were coming to the picnic on Saturday." John froze at the invitation, "Uh..I..don't..I mean.."

"Come on, everyone is going to be there. It's going to be fun. And Chloe wants to see you." John sighed, and Sam knew that using Chloe was a low blow but it seemed to be the only thing he responded to.

"How….how's she doing? I mean, with the therapist.." Sam swallowed the lump that always appeared when she thought about the past, "Good. She's talking to her, which is more than she ever did in the past…"

John nodded, "Good, I'm glad," he stood and started to walk away. He faltered, and turned back for a second, "What time?"

It took all Sam had to not break out into a huge smile at the hesitant question, "3. We're all bringing something to contribute, so bring what you can." He nodded slightly and then continued out the door.

* * *

(Saturday Afternoon 3:20)

"You're sure he's coming?"

"Yes, Grace, for the fifth time. He said he was." Grace gave a small smile at the exasperation in Sam's voice. "I'm sorry..I just…"

"I know. He'll be here."

(3:45)

"John. Hey, it's Sam. I was just calling to see where you were. It's..uh..15 minutes until 4, and I just wanted to make sure you were okay. Give me a call when you get this."

(4:10)

"John…where are you? It's been an hour-" Sam stopped when she saw the man in question heading her way, an apology written on his face. She closed her phone and smiled, "Well, it's about time. We were gonna get the festivities started without you."

"Yeah, sorry about that. I had…things to get done first." John didn't explain any further and Sam didn't ask. She walked with him to meet the rest of the group. An exclamation of greetings meeting them, along with an over-stimulated (and probably over-caffeinated) Chloe.

"John, John, you came! Yay! Come on, I wanna show you what I did.." John smiled at the rambling girl, "Okay, okay, I'm coming. Just let me talk to your mom first, okay?" Chloe rolled her eyes but nodded and skipped to go play with some of the other children that were there.

He turned to the other adults, and stood there awkwardly. "Hey…sorry I'm late-"

"Oh, don't worry about that. We're just glad you came." John watched the medical examiner carefully. He could see both the concern and excitement in those caring eyes. "Of course, I promised didn't I?" He said the rest of his hellos and carried on some uncomfortable small talk before being reminded that he had other plans by an annoyed little girl.

Sam watched her daughter with the man, and vice versa. They really were the best medicine for each other. Chloe was the only one who could get a genuine smile out of the wounded man.

"He seems like he's doing better." Bailey glanced over at the younger agent when Sam made her observation, "Yeah…he does seem like that.."

Sam watched the older man with a careful eye, "You don't think so?" Bailey started to say something, but stopped himself. Sam walked up to him and forced him to look at her, "Bailey…"

"I just think that he's….avoiding everything. That man is carrying around a lot of pain and even more guilt. He's taken on the stance that if he ignores it, it'll all go away." Sam turned to watch John, who was laughing and tickling her daughter. She sighed, "It takes time…and love." Bailey agreed with her and the two turned back to the conversation that their friends were having.

* * *

"This was fun." John smiled and voiced his agreement as he helped Sam and the others clean up.

Grace put her hand on John's shoulder, "How are you?" John hesitated in picking up the trash from the ground for a minute and then shrugged, "Fine."

"John-"

"Grace, please. Don't ask me things you don't want to know the answer to." Grace pulled back her hand in shock at the harshness in his voice. John sighed, and said in a tense voice, "I had a good time. Thank you for inviting me."

It took a minute for Grace's body to catch up with her brain, but by the time it did, John was gone. "Oh, John…"

* * *

John kneeled on the grass and traced the thick letters slowly, "Hi, baby. I know, I know, I wasn't supposed to come back today…I just needed…I went to the picnic. I had a good time. "John paused, then started again in a broken voice, "It's not right. How can I…when you're gone? It's not fair…"

"John." John's head shot up sharply, "What are you doing here?"

Grace knelt next to him, "I followed you." John looked away from her, "You shouldn't be here."

"It's okay, you know." John's shoulders tensed and she continued, "It's okay to have fun. It's okay to live."

John stood up abruptly, "No! No…I…she's gone! They're all gone. Why…why am I…why should I be allowed to…"

"Because you're alive." John flinched when she placed her hand on his cheek, but she didn't move it. "You're **alive**, damn it. You think she would want you to just shut down like this?"

John stared at her for what seemed like hours, before speaking in a small voice, "I don't know how…not without her…I didn't…there wasn't enough time. She never knew…" Grace smiled at him, "Yes, she did. She knew, even if you never told her."

"I did. Once." He looked back at the marble monument, "The day before she died. She all but forced me to." John grinned sarcastically, "I was so afraid of her being hurt, that I kept her at arms length, at all times. Hurting her even more in the process."

There was a short silence that followed John's confession. "I can't make it stop…it hurts…" John dropped back to his knees and cried.

Grace knelt next him and pulled him into her arms, "I know…but I'm here. We're here. You are not alone." Grace felt her own tears falling as she held the shaking man.

"You're not alone."

* * *

A.N.: Well? I hope that this made up for my incredibly long absence. PLEASE REVIEW 


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